Facially Flawed
by aikakone
Summary: Alastor Moody has fought dangerous Dark magic and won, but there is still yet one thing he fears: Nymphadora Tonks on a mission of good will in the name of skin care. It's up to him to either stop her or beat her at her own game.


"Tonks, lassie, get that stuff away from me! Do you even know where it came from? It could be poisoned!"

Thus was the inauspicious beginning of Nymphadora Tonks' first skin care session with Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody. She stubbornly couldn't fathom why he was so hesitant to receive a facial.

"Are you afraid your face will fall off?" she teased crudely.

He gestured to his nose and made a sweeping motion up to his magical eye. "That's already happened, or haven't you seen me?"

"I've seen you plenty," she stated. "Do you think I'm afraid to look?"

"Most people are," he said, though he didn't sound disappointed in their fear.

"Well, I'm not afraid to look at you," she challenged. "Hell, I'm not even afraid to look _like_ you."

Tonks smirked and then did what she did best. She morphed her appearance to look like him.

"Damn it, girl! Stop that!" he yelled while reaching out to swipe her.

Laughing, she returned to her more usual form. She then put her fingers into the pot of facial cream and advanced near him.

The old man immediately captured her wrist in a vice-like grip. "I told you 'no,' and I expect you to listen to me."

"You should know by now that I never listen to you unless it's really important," she stated while looking at her wrist in his hand. After several seconds ticked away, she asked, "Are you going to let me go?"

"Not if you persist in this futile exercise of yours," he said with a glare before removing his hand from her.

"Alastor," she said with a weary-sounding sigh, "touch me."

He looked at her like she'd suddenly sprouted two extra heads to match Hagrid's dog Fluffy. In his eyes she saw an expression he seldom wore-stark terror.

"Can't handle it, old man?" she teased after seeing his look. Taking one of his hands, she clarified, "Touch my face. How does it feel?"

"Soft," he said, sounding mystified at it.

"That's right. I have to keep my skin supple so I can be my best." When speaking of her best, she smiled widely at him with mischief flashing in her eyes.

Moody still protested the use of the face cream. "Only poofs would use that."

"Are you a poof, Moody?" she asked with a provocative head tilt.

He growled at her. "No!"

"Hmmm," Tonks grinned, "then you have nothing to worry about. Besides, you're not so different from me. It is our skin that hides us. I can change my appearance at will, and you use your face to scare people."

He gave her another temperamental look, indirectly reinforcing what she'd just told him. "Whether or not you believe me, Alastor, other people don't see either one of us for who we really are. Now be a good boy, and let me put this on your face."

"If I'm scaring people, I don't need you to put this on my face," he said, growing tired at her attempts.

Tonks smirked. "Maybe I just want to get my hands on you."

Moody opened his mouth to speak, but promptly closed it. "No..."

"Stranger things _have_ been known to happen," she said rubbing the cream that was on her fingers into her own face.

"Child, don't toy with me," he said as he made to leave the room. He had enough of her antics and had better things to do with his time.

"I'm not playing a game!" she insisted as he walked away. When he didn't turn back around to her, she rushed to him and reached out to take his arm.

At her touch on his arm, he looked back at her with an expression that would have made a lesser person whither to dust. Bravely, or perhaps foolishly, Tonks took both of his hands and placed them on her face. She gently held them down until she was sure he wasn't going to jerk away. After that, she placed her own hands up to his face long enough, she hoped, that he'd know she wasn't going anywhere.

Tonks looked into his eyes as she caressed his cheek bone with the pad of her thumb. "Let me try," she requested.

He looked at her in serious consideration. "Fine," he announced slowly, "as long as we take a few precautions." It wasn't a resignation of defeat but something more that if he cooperated with her, the girl might finally leave him alone.

Precautions to Moody meant security and checking for enemies. Tonks didn't really need to ask, but that didn't mean she wasn't beyond a joke.

"You mean you don't want anyone to walk in on us?" she asked rhetorically.

"Definitely not," he affirmed while making his rounds in the room. He set spells that would let them know if someone tried to come inside. Then he did an ingredient revealing spell to make sure the cream was as benign as Tonks had assured it to be.

"I told you it was harmless, except for skin-softening after-effects," she gloated. "Maybe one of those old ladies you've been chasing will notice what a handsome devil you are."

He gave a bark that was probably meant to be a laugh. "You don't know how wrong you are."

"About what exactly?" she asked, again in her comfortable teasing mode. "Was it the harmless cream, the women, or you being handsome? No, maybe you're just a devil."

Moody drummed his fingers impatiently on his arm. "Are you going to hurry up and do this, or are you going to just stand here talking?"

"Sit down," Tonks said while pointing to a chair. "We're definitely going to do this."

The older Auror finally did sit down in the chair and did not make comment while the younger witch put cream on her fingers. She walked closer to his face and then started to slowly massage the cream into his skin. She'd begun concentrating on her work so much that the talk and the banter were left behind.

While Tonks was clumsy in many situations, she was exacting in this one. The thoroughly rubbed his face and neck, massaging the cream into him and willing the signs of stress to relax. She knew she'd won a victory when he allowed his eyes to close.

The process didn't take so many minutes to complete, and she was pleased with her result when done. She made a sighing hum of pleasure and started to walk away from the man. Unfortunately, she hadn't expected him to come after her.

Moody reached around to take to small pot of cream from her hand. Tonks stopped in surprise and watched him as he put two fingers into the mixture. He then rubbed it between his thumb and two fingers, while looking at her with a plotting look on his face.

"What is it?" she asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

He reached for her upper arm to stop her backing farther away and simply said, "It's your turn."

It was then that Tonks squeaked like a cornered mouse and had a look of stark terror on her own face.

Moody laughed at her reaction. "A-ha, so now I see trust is harder when it has to go in the other direction."

She swallowed hard. "It's not that I don't trust you..."

"Lassie, maybe this isn't about trust, but I will tell you one thing," he said while indicating that it was her turn to sit down.

"What's that?" Tonks suspiciously asked while taking her place in the chair.

"I'm probably the only one in the whole Order who knows your _real_ hair color," he said with a waggle of eyebrows before his magical eye continued its usual pattern of surveillance.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

He looked smug at having the upper hand. "That's as naughty or innocent as you want it to be."

Tonks swore, causing Moody to laugh as he sat across from her. She ruminated on how decisively the tables had turned as he finished applying the cream to her face.

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, I ship M/T, and I am the ship's "Skin Care Expert." So, how could I not write a fic about this? The first line comes from LupinFan227, and it was too perfect not to use.


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